Tuesday, September 10, 2013

Wednesday Wish (92); A Fresh Start

Waiting for the school bus
photo by state farm via flickr

A deep breath finds your lungs, the crisp gulp filling you up like a helium balloon, rising higher and higher until it finds your face and bursts you into smile. You look up at the old maple tree, its leaves beginning to orange, beginning to signal colder nights and shorter days. ‘Hello Mister Maple Tree’, you say, ‘it’s my first day of school and I am excited.’ And then you realize that you’re not just excited. Your eyes widen as a few bits of fear settle in. ‘But I’m also scared,’ you say a bit quieter. ‘I mean, what if my friends aren’t on the bus? And what if they don’t save me a seat? Will my teacher be nice? Will I have to sit in the front of the class or the back? And what if I don't know all the answers? Will everyone think I’m dumb? Oh no, I hope it’s a good day. Will it be, Mister Maple Tree, will it be a happy first day of school? I wish it to be, I so wish it to be.’

A gentle breeze ruffles your hair and shivers your skin, and Mister Maple Tree’s leaves begin to dance. A happy dance.

The school bus reaches the crest of the hill, its loud grumble reminding you of your belly when you woke up, when your mama told you she had breakfast waiting, when you jumped out of bed excited to start your first day of school. And just like that, your fears take a back seat and your excited Self returns. ‘It’s my first day of school!’ you yell out to Mister Maple tree, ‘and it’s gonna be a happy day!’

Do you remember? Do you remember your first days of school? Do you remember the excitement mixed with fear and the joy mixed with insecure anticipation? Do you remember how alive you felt, how alive you were? It’s not buried too deeply, is it? It can’t be. It hasn’t calcified into a lump of your past that you can’t ever access again, has it? Because you know something? Today … you need it. There’s a chill in the air, you see, a fresh start begging to be plucked. And much like that first day of school, it’s scary and it’s exciting and ... it’s all yours. All yours. All yours for the taking.

*          *          *

This week my Wish is that you dare to start something new and fresh, something that both excites you and scares you to death, something that makes you feel so alive and tingly that you actually start imagining yourself a seven year old boarding the bus on your very first day of school. What is it that gives your heart a flutter when you dream it? What is it that both terrifies and trembles you happy when you imagine it as a part of your day?

Will you sign up for a class, or enter your work in a contest? Will you buy the red dress and shock all your co-workers, or will you play The Sound of Music so loud that your friendly commuters can’t help but sing along? How will you find those feelings you once knew so well? How will you resurrect them, make them once again yours? How will you bring back alive, bring back fresh, bring back the magic of your first day of school?

Begin first with finding the nerve, the feeling, and when you do, dive into it, wear it like a waterfall. Let it drip into all your dents and crevices, soaking you to the core, saturating you as deeply as possible with what you wish to feel. And then…after you are good and soaked, wear it out in public. Let your sparkly eyes shine, let your vibrant freshness gleam, let your feelings tremble vulnerably on your sleeve. They will show you which actions to take. You will be easily informed. For those things that fan your sparkle, those you do. And those that throw water on your flame, those you avoid.

Feelings first … actions second … a grown up soul who is just as alive, just as fresh, just as excited about living as a seven year old boarding the bus on your very first day of school.

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