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| photo by rebecca gift via flickr |
Fine leather shoes. Tailored pants. Even a scarf. It’s a New
York cold so he walks fast. With coffee on his mind. And not just any coffee,
coffee from his favorite café. He listens to his shoes tap the cement, nuzzles
his chin into his scarf, and anticipates that first sip like a seven-year-old
aching for Christmas.
A few minutes later he is sitting inside near the window,
people watching. He’s amazed at how many people walk by. On a cold afternoon
when coffee is a necessity. He finds himself irritated. Irritated at the fools
who refuse to indulge themselves. They are clouding his vision.
Until he sees her … the red convertible.
“I’ve always wanted a red convertible,” he says out loud,
“and someday, someday damn it, I’m going to get one.”
“You are, aren’t you?” says a soft-spoken woman sipping on
her own cup a few feet behind him.
He turns toward her. “Yep, I am.”
“Did you ever think of why you want it so badly?” she
whispers, his eyes nowhere near hers.
“Me? The car? Oh hell, I don’t know. Just seems like me, I
guess.”
“Seems like you? To shine?”
“Uh huh.”
“To be seen?”
“Ya. I don’t know. Maybe.”
“To be admired, even envied?”
“Guess so.”
“To be … loved?”
“You getting deep on me, miss stranger with a cup a' joe?”
“Maybe. Maybe I’m a messenger inviting you to realize that
you ache for that red convertible so much because you have never been seen or
admired or loved for who you really are. Maybe you unconsciously think that
that particular car will help you feel those things.”
“You think so?” he says, not really sure if he is willing to
show her he is listening.
She continues… “But you know something? You can feel those things, you can heal, without
it. Once you finally reveal the feelings you need in life, whatever they may
be, you can usually get those needs met without spending a dime. You can be
loved. You can be admired. You can be seen for who you are and not just because
you drive a red convertible, either.”
“Thanks, but I just realized I’m late. Good talking with you
… Shrink.” He turns to say goodbye … but … no one is there. He looks around, expecting
to see her, somewhere, but she is nowhere. Nowhere at all.
He re-wraps his scarf, reaches for his coffee, and in
seconds he is walking outside, his leather shoes tapping the sidewalk again. But
this time his pace is slower. In fact, it slows still more with each step. Everything
about him seems to slow down. Way, way down. By the time he rounds the corner
he is almost stopped and there, against an old brick wall, he crumbles into a
heap, sobs riddling his entire body.
* * *
We are human. We need things. Things to keep us clothed and
fed and warm. Things to make life easier and more fun and interesting. But
sometimes the things we think we need aren’t really things at all. They are
merely representations of feelings that are missing from our lives.
Placeholders for emotional gaps.
* * *
This week my Wish is that you pull the cover off your achings
for particular things, that you reveal to yourself, the feelings hiding
beneath. Ask the why’s even when you are sure the answers don’t exist. Dare to
peek beneath your carefully constructed lids, the lids keeping your emotional
truths safely tucked away. Have the courage to own what you feel and to finally
give yourself what you know, deep down, you have always needed … and, I dare
say, always deserved.
And you know something? Maybe you will still buy the red
convertible, but this way, you’ll understand why, you’ll have the emotional
intelligence to buy it consciously and the wisdom to make sure it fulfills you
on an emotional level. For the way I see it, our deepest emotions are threads
leading us to the wisdom of our souls, souls that know exactly how to give us a
life of happy, a life of beauty, a life that feels like ... magic.
