She floated through her days, riding the magic carpet of innocent youth and everlasting summers. Like a lily pad sitting on the surface of a deep, lush pond, she looked up and out, but not in. Why look ‘in’ when the sun shines ‘out’? Why look ‘in’ when the fun lives ‘out’? Why look ‘in’ when the water is cold and wet and longs to penetrate my pores?
So when the accusations flew, she lost her balance. The water was rich and beautiful but because she had never been there before, it was cold and unforgiving, a swirl of emotion that had no name. She couldn’t see. She could only hear. And the voices were ugly. They called her names. They told her she was evil. They told her she was wrong. And because she was underwater, immersed in a subconscious world, their voices were louder, drowning out her Own.
Little by little they whittled her Self away, her conscious mind knowing the truth, her inner Self doubting, not trusting, the wisdom of her deep.
She was off-kilter, fueled by a quiet fear. She had forgotten how to honor her Self.
And she wondered why so few believed her.
* * *
He said he loved her. And he did. But like the lily pad girl, he lived on the surface and let the voices swirling in his unknown deep, take his power. He didn’t want to visit the depths. It was too cold and he never did learn how to swim. So he watched the horizon and ate Fritos in front of the TV. And whenever he wasn’t paying attention, the voices ruled.
Then one day, she was gone.
“I miss her,” he said.
“But you never visited, never spent any time with her.”
“I love her,” he said.
“Why then, didn't you show it?”
He lived in a world that kept him on the surface with the hurts and the pains of his deep determining his days, denying his authentic Self. Life, the way he would have liked to live it, passed by like an unlit ship on a dark, dark sea.
And he wondered why he wasn’t being the man he thought he was.
* * *
He was healthy, ohhh so healthy. He skipped dairy and red meat and sugar. He called Oreos and MSG and aspartame poisons, and gave talks on living an enlightened life. He exercised, and said ‘om’ and ‘ah’, and breathed in the beauty of nature. He was awake and alive.
On the outside.
But he chose not to tend to his deep, to the darkness in his pond that was born when his mama neglected him and his daddy lived a shortened life. To the pain of never feeling loved. To the pain of never feeling seen. So the heavy aches, pushed down into the darkness of his deep, had no choice but to close off his heart.
And now he sits in a hospital wondering why, why his body has betrayed him.
* * *
When we aren’t paying attention, our subconscious Selves live our lives for us. We become wind-up toys, driven by unseen forces that live in the deep….of ourSelves.
My Wish for you this week, is that you listen to the wise hum of your deep. Maybe it’s ugly. Most likely, it hurts. But until you look at it, it will not leave. Until you see it, it will not let you go.
1. Your subconscious Self is 95% of who you are. Honor it because it is living your life.
2. When something hurts, listen. Don’t ignore your feelings. Feelings are there to be felt, worked through and learned from.
3. Watch what your thoughts are. When they are negative, gently re-route them to a positive. Re-program the lies you have heard/built up about yourSelf over the years. Change your negative beliefs. See your beauty. See your light. See the love that you are at your core.
4. Resist autopilot. Stay conscious. Ask questions of yourSelf. Stay on course with your positive beliefs. And if you can’t find them, go back up to #3.
5. Spend less time with those who don’t feed the positive in you and more time with those who do. Water yourself with kindness and love, and treat yourself like a beautiful blossom reaching for the sun with roots in the fertile richness of your deep…a deep that shows you exactly where to grow and how to live a life you love.