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Many years ago, when the sky reached a dark violet morning and my heart a fresh tender green, we set off. Just the two of us. In a car. Fifty years apart, twelve inches close, with not a single expectation of the treasures that lay ahead.
And the border with the German shepherds, the soldiers with tight lips and hard eyes, the warning signs in capital letters and the mirrors to check beneath our cars--yes, all that--even I, at age nineteen, expected all that. And I knew how my favorite candy bar would taste after warming up in my hand, how the windshield wiper fluid would sting when it visited my nose, how the car would vibrate and hum when it reached those high autobahn speeds--yes, I expected all those things, too.
And he? Did he expect to long for a smoke as soon as he sat inside the car with a nineteen year old American girl who reminded him of his first love? Or did he expect to focus on the road, to contemplate his overdue retirement, the markets overseas, the dangers of driving near any man with a hat on, even if it might be one's self. I shall never know. But I do know he didn't expect one thing. He couldn't have. I knew him well enough to know his mind wouldn't anticipate his heart. Not this time.
Nor did mine.
But they did.
Our minds folded and our hearts shared.
A secret.
One each.
As we drove through the countryside, ladled with unexpected treasure.
* * *
My Wednesday Wish for You?
To share a secret. To unfold the map to your heart's hidden caves, to the places that you thought you wanted no one to ever see. To drop a crumb, or maybe two...with gentle care...and to invite the moment to find you, to find you both. Maybe on a bus. Maybe on a train. Maybe while making copies or ordering your morning tea. Listen for the moment, for the opening in the sea, when your secret begs to be heard, by you and by me. We wear layers in the winter and long for our beloved sun. Our souls are no different. They too, long to feel the sun upon their naked bodies, the warmth of loving sight melting layers of fear, that cumbersome gunk we all know so well, coating, masking, a most magnificent being of light....yes, YOU.
9 comments:
I look so forward to your Wednesday wishes! Funny, one of my goals this years is to not reveal so much of myself! I need a little more mystery about me. But I will continue to share my heart with those trusted few. This was a lovely post and a lovely wish. And you definitely have me wondering what the man in the car's secret was!
Lovely Michael Ann...it makes me so happy to know you enjoy your wish every week. Forgive me for missing last week. Life has a funny way of giving us hurdles at times, no? Like the hurdle you feel this year of feeling you'd benefit from more mystery. Dear soul...you are already very mysterious. We all are. The way I see it, its just how deep our friends dare to see. Over the years i have met many who think i am simple or weak or even not very bright. But i know they look with shallow eyes, shy from true intimacy and deny much of their own souls. Something i know you don't do, beautiful Michael Ann. If you ever want to move, know you have a friend who loves you, and sees you, in Mexico:)
Simple ???
Simple in that you find the smallest things to delight, feel the smooth contours of a rock, or the sharp slivers of a broken shell and know the joy of it as each contour or jagged rim speaks its story to you. Then I rejoice in the simpleness of you...
Weak ???
That your heart is burdened by the sadness of others and that you tread lightly lest you should leave more scars. Then I celebrate your weakness...
Not very bright ???
Then they are but blind creatures, for even half way across the world your spark lights the air around me and warms my skin, my soul, my self.
Do you read minds dear Brynne? No.... for minds are but a tool, a tool we use to see the world, not who we are. Do you then, read who I am, for that is what you have done. I love what you write, embrace it and toy with it, turning it over in my hands, and admiring the beauty of what you have sown... usually. This one struck home, as though you wrote it for me, though it is posted here for all to see. Anyone who reads it and takes it to heart will be the better for it, and will be changed. Changed, but not revealed, and there my friend is the difference.
Secrets, they are not all bad, though we seldom share them with others. Secrets are for that one, who hearing our soul bared, knows it for what it truly is, desire, whether fulfilled or unfulfilled, whether it is acceptable or unacceptable, to those who would be our judge, they are neither secret, nor the secret keeper, so it doesn't really matter.
This is your most powerful yet, if to no one but myself. Your descriptions struck a chord that has not felt free to resonate for many years, may not resonate again, for this tone and vibration is not for most it seems. There is a harmonic, a vibration that if observed truly, paints a picture of secrets held for years, of yearnings lost in past, and desires unexpected.
I'm sure this sounds like late night, alcohol fueled rambling, but the images you painted with your words, are truer to me, than most peoples concrete and stone existence. You may never know where these words today have taken me, but I know, and though these thoughts may never be shared with another, simply that they were resurrected from where they have dwelled these many years, is enough. They may not be free, but for the moment, they remember they exist.
My dear friend Jo...thank you, angel. If i am ever feeling down, i know where to turn. I only wanted Michael Ann to know she wasn't alone, to let her know i too, have shared much of myself and have still not always been seen for who i truly am. When we do finally meet kindred souls, those who treat our secrets like the glittering gems of insight that they are, it is then we are given the gift of this weeks wish--the gift of being seen for at least a part of who we really are.
Hmmm... maybe that was an alcohol fueled bit of muddy writing. :-) Your writing style is beautiful, I love the way you set scenes, describe situations and share the little nuances that mean so much more than what is actually said in conversation. I think your words are a key though. Simply reading your words unlocks my mind, ready or not :-), and it immediately dumps out a response. Must be careful to read these things in the morning, not late at night. ;-)
Please don't retract what you said, dear soul. It was so very meaningful and touching and i just needed to sit with it all a bit, as i always do...for your words too...resonate with such beauty in me. I write my best late at night....and i wont stop, so please dont you either. When the world sleeps and our left brains tire...thats when I think we are our most magic...and that's what your words were/are, my friend, pure beautiful magic.
I wish this wish could reach round the world and bless the hearts of everyone, as it has mine. What secret will my soul share, I wonder...
~ Blessings and peace to you dear one!
Thank you, angel Debra...you always give my heart such a big happy smile.:) Soo much love to you, dear soul.
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